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Two peanuts walk into a bar - One was a salted. ***** A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says. "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." ***** A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here." ***** A dyslexic man walks into a bra. ***** A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road." ***** Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant. ***** Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" ***** Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doc. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it." ***** "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'." T hat sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual." ***** Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" ***** A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says. "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts." ***** Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..." ***** A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look." He picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says. "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's heavy" ***** I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 'no, the steaks are too high.'

Email in your own jokes and they might get posted on the readers jokes page of Whinge. Otherwise, if you're not so brave why don't you research some top websites comedycentral.com or steadandcheese.com